I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
