I think my vagina is haunted
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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