curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
