Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
