I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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