I'm pants shitting drunk right now
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
