I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
