so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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