just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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