Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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