I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
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