bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
