I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
