I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
