I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
