Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
