Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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