I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize