do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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