I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
