It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Im part way to drunk.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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