is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I need water and some morals
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
