Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
