my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
