going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
