Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I could fuck to npr.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
