i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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