i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
