I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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