sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
