Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
she pinky promised me she was 18
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
