haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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