so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
