In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
