he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
