Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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