I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
