i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
