he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
