this beer tastes like vomit already
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
