he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
