My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
birth control should be required to get into college
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
