your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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