I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
