I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
it's like heaven, but drunker
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
