Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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