i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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