I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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