Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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