I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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