you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
